I write here because things become clearer when I read them

I’m doing this not simply because I’m itching for change…

Well who’m I kidding? I continue to do this because I’m afforded the freedom to do it. And by this, I certainly don’t mean blogging. I don’t mean to be cryptic, talking about this or that, but it’s quite imperative I keep this to myself for now. It seems I can get away from anything but paranoia, because it simply sticks.

I am looking for change. Everyone is, constantly. It’s a matter of how big a change you want it to be, and sadly, I’ve always restricted myself to small changes, baby steps as if I couldn’t allow myself to fail. Now is the time for the massive goddamn FAIL WHALE to challenge me ala the biblical Job. Will I give up permanently if I can’t build a life for myself? I doubt it, but it’ll sting enough to teach me that I need to be hungry for success in every aspect of my life.

The date draws nearer and nearer. Not everything’s settled yet, but damn if I’m not going to get it settled soon. It’s scaring the living daylights out of me; but I’m not giving up.

~ by fayeth on 10 May 2009.